Fantastic Dilemma
by Clare Hope
Summary: It's the night after the events of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, and Jack is still struggling against his immortality and the Year that Never Was; Ianto tries his best to help.
1. Chapter 1

Ianto stepped back into the Hub. "Jack?" he called. "Jack, are you still here?" It was eerily silent. Tosh, Owen, and Gwen had all gone home, but Ianto knew that the Hub was the only home that Jack had anymore. And after the events of that day, with Jack's return, and the arrival and departure of the mysterious John Hart, he couldn't imagine Jack leaving that night to go anywhere.

"Jack?" he said again, a bit louder, his voice echoing up through the Hub's high ceiling. Suddenly, he was afraid that Jack had left again. He didn't know if they could handle it again so soon. He wandered slowly over to Jack's office. Maybe he was asleep. In that case, it would not go well if Ianto woke him up.

Then, all of a sudden, there was a gunshot, a huge crash, and a sort of strangled scream from behind the closed door of Jack's office. Without hesitating, Ianto ran straight in, throwing the door open and almost slipping.

The floor was covered in Jack's blood. Jack was half lying, half sitting on the floor, gasping for air.

"Oh, no," Ianto said, dropping to his knees, tugging the shotgun out of Jack's hands. "Jack, Jack, look at me! Hey!" He grabbed Jack by the shoulders, throwing the gun across the floor. Jack, breathing hard, looked at Ianto.

"I…" he said softly, "I just…" Then he stopped breathing, and slumped in Ianto's arms.

"Sh**," Ianto muttered. Placing Jack's body gently down, he looked at his own hands, red with blood. He shuddered, and lifted Jack partway off the ground, bringing him to the small bed built into the wall of the office. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited, worried and slightly irritated about this turn of events. As far as he knew, Jack had never killed himself before. "What were you thinking, _cariad_?" he said quietly, using the Welsh term of endearment, which he never would dare to use if Jack had been listening.

Less than a minute later, Jack gave the all-too-familiar gasp of revival, sitting bolt upright, looking around wildly. "What…I…"

"Hey," Ianto said.

Jack focused on him. He reached out, and Ianto took his hand. "Yan."

Ianto shook his head. "And what the hell did you think you were going to accomplish by this, Captain Jack Harkness?" His voice was harsh and frustrated.

Jack looked startled at Ianto's hard words. He looked down at the bloodstains on his shirt. "I don't know," he whispered. "I wish I did." There were a few tears running down his face. "Earlier, when Owen asked if the Doctor had fixed me…He couldn't, he can't. That's what he told me. He told me I would just keep going, forever. And I saw…" Jack had to break off. He was sobbing. Ianto had never seen him like this before, and he didn't know what to do. "I saw…the end…of the universe…Ianto…And I couldn't help thinking…If I won't ever, ever die, I was out there somewhere, in the emptiness of space…Ianto, all of the stars had gone out!"

"Jack…" Ianto said helplessly.

"What do I do?" Jack shouted. "What do I DO?!" He pushed past Ianto to stand up. Then he gave a scream of rage and disappointment and pain, and hit the wall as hard as he could with a closed fist. Ianto jumped up and grabbed his wrist before he could do it again, for his friend's hand was bleeding now. Jack wrenched his hand free, but didn't keep hitting the wall. "Tell me, Ianto, what the hell do I do? What happens when I'm the last person alive in the whole universe, when the universe comes to an end, when there's nothing but nothingness left in all of reality?"

Ianto shook his head wordlessly. Jack continued talking, not really to Ianto anymore. "And every single person I have ever known and loved will be dead, gone, until it's just ME! I'll always be alone. I'll never be able to risk loving anyone again, because I will never be able to keep them. I'll be all by myself, Ianto, for eternity, and I don't want to keep living like this, I just want it to end, just want to die, I just want to die." He sat down in his chair behind his long desk, sobbing dry and brokenly. "I…can't…"

Ianto came over to him. He put his hands on Jack's shoulders, standing just behind him, and let him keep talking. There were tears in his own eyes, seeing his friend totally broken, raging against the unfairness of the universe. Jack cried and spoke of things Ianto didn't fully understand, about the Doctor, and a girl called Rose, who was apparently trapped in a parallel universe, and a girl named Martha, and Daleks, and dying and waking up all alone, trapped on a spaceship in the far future, of the last life in the universe, desperately searching for Utopia.

He spoke of a year he had been bound up, tortured and killed over and over again, imprisoned by someone called the Master, who was apparently also the Prime Minister candidate Harold Saxon (Ianto wasn't actually sure how that worked out, nor what regeneration was, but the point wasn't that Jack was explaining these things to him: maybe someday.) and the pain of seeing a friend lose the only other member of his species left. Ianto couldn't help wincing with horror as Jack described his experiences and explained how, in this time, where everything that had happened was reversed but he could still remember it all, he had seen each of the team killed slowly by the Master in an attempt to break the immortal captain.

Jack talked about the first time he had gone to war, with a childhood friend whom he was captured with and the friend was tortured because Jack had been the stronger of the two. And a lot of other things, too, of Torchwood before Ianto had joined, when there was a different team who had all died, and of people he had known and loved and lost.

As he listened, an idea began to form in Ianto's mind. He tried to repress it, unable to imagine the consequences of such an action. But as Jack's sobs reached a point where there weren't even any tears anymore, and he couldn't get a single word out, Ianto decided that the risk might be worth it. And it wasn't his decision to make, anyway. "Jack, come with me," he ordered softly, taking Jack's hands and pulling him out of the chair. Jack was still trembling and shaking, and followed Ianto blindly, out of the office and down into the depths of the Torchwood Hub.

They stood in the doorway to the cryogenics freezing morgue. "Jack," Ianto began gently. "If you truly want to die…" Ianto bit his lip. "If you were frozen here, I mean, you wouldn't really be dead. So you wouldn't come back to life. But it would be like you were dead, and you wouldn't be…_alive_, not really. Like, you know Tommy, the soldier we keep and bring back once a year, in case of the time…whatever? He isn't aware of the year he spends frozen. His consciousness is only awake on the single day a year. But if you were to stay in here forever…" There was no need to keep explaining. Jack understood.

He let go of Ianto's hand and walked forward slowly. The room lined with the drawer-like cryogenic coffins seemed very empty, a wide expanse of floor with just a single man standing alone in a bloodstained shirt and pants. Jack reached out and trailed a finger along the cold metal doors. "They'd come looking for me," he said softly.

Ianto knew who he was talking about. "I would lie to them," he said simply. "I could say that you ran—went away again, to be with the Doctor. I'd change the records in the computer, make up someone who was frozen instead of you, so no one would ever disturb it."

Jack turned around, staring at Ianto with wide, tear-stained eyes. "You would do that?" he asked wonderingly.

"Or course."

Jack trembled with indecision. He pressed his hand against the wall again, placing his forehead against it, too. "I don't know."

"Take your time."

"All right."

Several minutes passed in silence. Ianto closed his eyes and waited. He heard Jack take a long, deep, shuddering breath. "I don't think I can do it," he whispered.

"Why not?"

Jack walked away from the wall and back to Ianto. "Because…I'm scared," he said. "Isn't that stupid?" He laughed bitterly. "All of that saying that I want to die, and when it comes down to it, the immortal is too scared." He threw his arms out, spinning around as if to confront the world. "Too frightened to let go of life, unwilling to keep hold of it either. What a fantastic dilemma, eh?" He looked back at Ianto, and his blue eyes were bright with tears, but his voice was clearer now.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Ianto said, "I thought it would help." He looked down. "I've just made things worse, haven't I?"

Jack shook his head. "No, no, Ianto, none of this is your fault. I need that option. Promise me…promise me that if I ever need that, if I ever need to leave, if I ever just can't go on, you'll arrange that it's possible. For me. I'm never going to take it, but…Just in case. Please?"

"Yeah, I can arrange that," Ianto murmured. He knew what Jack meant by "arranged," too. He'd set up a system, somehow, that, even when he had died, somewhere in the distant or not-too-distant future, would figure everything out. He might have to ask Tosh to help, but he knew she would understand, and wouldn't tell anyone else. Because in Torchwood, death could come at any time. Susie had shown them that. Death could come to anyone, at any day…except Jack.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you." They stood quietly for a moment. Jack rubbed his eye, wiping away a tear that was threatening to fall at the same time.

"Um," Ianto said awkwardly. He wasn't sure how this conversation was going to continue now.

Jack smiled sadly. He walked slowly past Ianto, giving one last look back into the cryogenics morgue. Then he stopped. He took Ianto's hand and pulled him along, too. They stopped outside of Jack's office.

"Good night, Ianto Jones," Jack said. "Go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ianto looked at him quizzically. "Are you going to be alright now, Jack?"

"Of course."

"I mean, really all right? No more shooting yourself?"

Jack nodded decisively. "I'm okay now. Good night."

Ianto got the message, but he gave Jack a hug first. "Good night," he said.

Jack held Ianto tightly, and then released him. Then he kissed him. Once, quickly, but Ianto blinked in surprise. He hadn't been expecting that.

**-the end-**

* * *

><p><em>That was a rather abrupt ending, I suppose. But I really wanted to leave what happens next fairly open. Does Ianto go home, or does he stay? Should I write a sequel? I have a few ideas if anyone thinks I should. Please tell me what you think! Thank you for reading, and I hope I did the characters justice! I love them quite a lot. <em>


	2. Chapter 2

Ianto turned away from Jack. He hadn't been ready for that kiss. He heard Jack, too, turn and walk away behind him. Ianto took a long breath and started towards the round door. He could hear Jack's office door open and close.

Then, for the second time that night, there was a crash from behind that closed door, accompanied this time by a shouted curse. Ianto spun around again and burst into the office.

Jack had slipped and fell on the puddle of his own blood. He was fine—already scrambling back up off the ground—but he had an expression of terror on his face. He tried to erase the look of fear as soon as he saw Ianto, and he clutched at the desk for support.

"Sorry," he said, trying to smile but failing miserably. "I'll—I'll just clean it up in the morning, I can't do it tonight…"

"Jack, it's alright, I can clean it up—."

"No, you've done plenty—."

"Shut up!"

"What?"

"I'm not going to leave you here to go to sleep with a pool of your own blood on the floor!"

"It wouldn't be the first time in the past year I've had to do that!" Jack shouted. He flinched at his own words.

Ianto winced. "Well, I'm not letting it happen again."

"Forget it."

"No."

"I didn't mean to say anything like that! It just slipped out: seriously, forget it."

"Absolutely not."

"Please, it doesn't matter."

"It does, of course it does. You'll just be lying awake all night, trying not to think of what's happened and failing. Jack, you should come home with me."

A tiny smile played across Jack's face. "A while ago, that would have been music to my ears."

Ianto turned red. "Not like that."

"I know."

A pause. "Will you come? I'll take care of this," Ianto said, gesturing at the blood, "tomorrow."

Jack hesitated. "Okay," he answered finally. "Okay, let's go. Thanks." He avoided looking at Ianto, but took the Welshman's outstretched hand and followed him.

... ... ... ... ...

The drive back to Ianto's flat passed in silence. Ianto kept glancing over at Jack, not sure whether he was asleep or not. His eyes were closed, but his head was upright and his breathing was not especially even or slow.

"Jack," Ianto said softly when they had parked, "Jack, we're here." Jack opened his eyes immediately. Apparently he hadn't been asleep.

"Okay." They got out of the car together and walked up the stairs to Ianto's flat. Ianto opened the door for Jack, and the captain walked in. He looked around. "It's been a while since I've been here, hasn't it? I mean, even for you, ignoring my year away."

Ianto frowned as he closed and locked the door. "Have you _ever_ been to my flat before now, Jack?"

Jack sat down on the dark blue couch with a sigh. "Well, yeah." Ianto came and sat in the armchair across the coffee table from the couch. "Remember, after…well. After the trip to the country last fall when you got hurt."

"Ah." Ianto glanced away from Jack. "Yeah. I remember. Of course. When everyone decided they needed to take turns sitting here waiting for me to wake up."

"After you passed out…after starting to cough up blood," Jack pointed out.

"Owen figured out that the blood was just from when they almost broke my nose, dripping down into my throat." Ianto reached up and tapped said nose. "So your worry was irrational."

"Not irrational," Jack corrected. "Honestly? We were all more concerned with what you would try to do when you woke up."

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Like what?"

"We had no idea," the captain admitted. "It was so close to...what happened with Lisa. You weren't really talking to any of us."

"No, I wasn't," Ianto agreed, shortly. Somehow, the memory of Lisa still stung. Jack looked apologetic for bringing it up, and they went silent.

It was only after a couple minutes of silence that Ianto realized that Jack's eyes had closed. He was falling asleep, Ianto could tell. "Jack? Would you be alright with staying here to sleep?"

"Hm?" Jack said, blinking. "Oh, of course. Night, Yan."

"Goodnight, Jack," Ianto replied, standing up.

"And, Ianto? Thanks."

Ianto smiled as he turned off the light and walked out of the living room and into his bedroom. "Goodnight, Jack," he said again.

... ... ... ... ...

Ianto woke suddenly. A slight noise in the other room startled him, and he sat bolt upright. He got out of bed and walked quietly into his living room. A tiny whimper could be heard from the couch, and then Jack's voice muttered softly "No. No. Please. Not him. Stop. No, please." There was a small gasp. "Stop!"

"Jack?" Ianto called softly, edging around the couch to stand over the dreaming immortal. Jack had curled up as much as he could without falling off of the sofa. His face was pressed into his hands. "Jack. Wake up, it's just a nightmare."

Jack didn't wake up. His voice was even more panicked now. "Don't hurt him, please, no. Stop! I can't let you kill him! Not Ianto. Not him." Ianto felt a jolt of surprise.

"Jack!" he said once more.

"Please, I'll do anything, kill me as many times as you want, just leave him alone, stop hurting him." Jack cried out. "No!"

That was enough. "Wake up, Jack!" Ianto said loudly, shaking the captain by the shoulders. With a gasp almost as violent as when he returned to life, Jack sat up, eyes snapping open. They fell on Ianto.

"Ianto, you're okay!"

"Jack, it was just a dream," Ianto soothed. "I'm fine, look. You're fine. We're both safe. No one is hurting us."

Jack was breathing hard. "What?"

Ianto sat down next to Jack. "Just a dream," he repeated softly. Jack leant into Ianto and the Welshman wrapped his arms around Jack. He was trembling. "That's all it was. It's okay now, everything's all right. Shhh, just a nightmare." Ianto held Jack close as his shivering slowed and then ceased. "Jack," he whispered then, "how long has it been since you slept? I mean, slept naturally, and well."

"Ianto…I only got back today. I've been trapped for a year. It's the first night since I got free." Jack was being open. That was good.

"Go back to sleep, then, Jack. You're exhausted. I don't want you to drop dead again."

Jack pulled away sharply. "No, I'm not going to sleep anymore."

"Because of the nightmares?"

Jack looked away.

"Jack, go to sleep. You can't stay awake forever."

"I don't want to." He sounded stubborn as a child.

Ianto sighed. "I'll be right here, Jack. I won't let you have any more nightmares, I promise."

"What? You'll stay with me?"

"Or you could come into the bedroom with me. I mean—." Ianto blushed furiously. "I mean, it'd be more comfortable than staying on the couch."

Even though Jack was exhausted and still reeling from his nightmare, he managed to laugh at Ianto's discomfort. He got quiet again quickly, though. "Yeah, all right," he agreed.

Ianto blinked as he realized something. "Oh, damn, I forgot to give you clothes that aren't, you know, bloodstained."

Jack tilted his head at this sudden change of topic. "Oh…kay."

Ianto stood up. "I'll be right back." He rushed into his room. A couple seconds later, he came out carrying an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "I think these'll fit," he said anxiously. Jack took them.

"Thanks, Yan. Hey, I'll come in in just a minute," he said, gesturing towards the bedroom.

"Yeah, okay." Ianto turned quickly and walked off.

He climbed into his bed, closing his eyes, his back to the door. A minute or so later, he heard the surprisingly quiet footsteps of the captain coming closer. Ianto didn't open his eyes.

There was a moment's hesitation, and then Jack's weight settled onto the other side of the mattress. Ianto felt him shift closer, tentatively, as if unsure of how close Ianto would let him come. Ianto, too, shifted a bit closer to Jack, rolling ninety degrees so he lay on his back rather than his side, and stretched a hand out to touch Jack's shoulder softly, letting him know that it was okay.

Jack turned so he lay on his stomach and put his hands under his face, which was turned towards Ianto. The captain closed his eyes slowly, and let his breathing even out and slow down. Ianto flipped onto his stomach, too, and reached an arm across Jack's back to pull the comforter up over both of them equally. He didn't pull his arm back.

"Ianto Jones," Jack murmured, half asleep.

"Captain Jack Harkness," Ianto returned softly.

"Goodnight."

"And you. No more bad dreams."

"Yep…" Jack's whisper trailed away. Ianto smiled as he, too, left the world of the waking for the one of dark and indecision, safe.

* * *

><p><em>Oh, so, so long since the first half of this story was published. I hope this met your expectations if you've been waiting since that day. It took me much longer than I thought it would, but how I loved writing it. The 'post-Countrycide' events Ianto and Jack mentioned briefly are detailed in another one of my TW fics, To Fear Like A Child. Thank you so much for reading this. I love you all. Goodnight. <em>


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